How a passive aggressive man ends a relationship?

passive aggressive meaning

How a passive aggressive man ends a relationship?

You are asking: if a husband is using passive aggressive behaviors to control the relationship, is it possible that he would by himself, decide to leave?

This is a complex question...it assumes that there has been a long term situation, in which he behaved in his "normal way", wife complained and asserted her needs, husband grew even more despondent and isolated...

At the end of this vicious circle, you are desperate for a solution...and watching how other people divorce, you ask: how this passive aggressive man would leave this marriage?

I found three models of behavior:

A) I have the first example, that happened very near me: They just leave...They walk away, no explanations, no try to fix the marriage, no plan for the future (how are we going to legally divorce? who is paying the mortgage until then, what to say to our friends? etc) Even when this person looked somewhat appreciative of shared connection and intimacy, when the moment arrived, he loaded his belongings in a rented truck, and left. He did not offer any explanation, any offer to shoulder the inevitable spoils of a broken marriage...nothing. Just renting a truck and leaving with his share of furniture, clothes and tools. He probably felt as the victim of the marital failure, ("she never accepted him and his chronic passive aggressiveness") and had to lick his wounds returning to his childhood home and mother. Of course, this extreme cold shoulder is devastating...and he can inflict in this way the greater punishment to someone who dared to challenge his passive aggressive ways.

B) Other variable is the hostile breakup: Once they are notified that wife files for divorce or moves out, they can explode in a cloud of anger...You are the bitch, the demanding wife never satisfied and always critical, that has to shoulder the whole responsibility for a relationship gone sour. Everything that is gone wrong is the wife's fault: even if he cheated, is because she somehow defaulted on giving him endless love and support, so she pushed him to look elsewhere for sex and attention. He is so frustrated and angry, that he will resist to cooperate with the process of divorce. He will fight about each piece of furniture, each house trinket, in order to make separation even more painful.  You will have to decide that yes, you are the bad person, while you walk out and imagine a better future without him.

C) Probably you could encounter the third variable, the "last ditch repentance move" He is so sorry, he now understands how serious is your claim and wants to make amends. He will do whatever you want, just give him the list of changes you need. Meanwhile, you have to let him come back home. If you want him to do therapy or coaching, well, he is ready to do that too. At least, he will attend the two first sessions...meanwhile he is back home and living his life as usual. Now, all the promises he did are worthless, and his changes dissolve like snow under the sun. You are back to ground zero, trapped in the same situation as before.

If you are in this grey area, feeling that you are done with this marriage, but still unclear about what is the best way to separate from him, you need some external help to do the process....It is a mess of emotional, financial, practical issues all entangled. Also, under his accusations, you will have to process some amount of unnecessary guilt for the ending of this marriage. Be sure you get this book: Leaving a Passive Aggressive Relationship....

Just in case you think a talk with Coach Nora can help you get a clearer vision of your options, and feel supported and energized about your future, get your time schedule here.

 

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