Healing yourself from emotional abuse? Lessons learned here!

healing yourself from emotional abuse

There is a long way to be able of completely healing yourself from emotional abuse. I don't believe in blaming the abuse victim, and at the same time I've always subscribed to the philosophy that we are all somehow responsible for our own happiness. This does not mean we are to blame for all the unhappiness and pain in our lives; bad things happen and other people can hurt us for any reason and no reason.

But in life, the main challenge is that we are responsible for making our own happiness in spite of those things or even because of them.

 

If you have associated happiness with "the way my childhood was," then probably you would be busy taking the trouble of recreating your childhood, regardless of whether it actually made you happy or unhappy. I know many women still fixate in finding their father’s double in every man they can find… and afterwords, they keep complaining about the unhappiness that such a relationship brought to them.

If you know that being cared for and respected by your partner is an important part of your happiness, be sure that you respect and care for yourself and your own projects first. Whatever makes you happy has to be cared for and included in your life plan, either single or married.

No matter what, what is important for you has to be important for any partner you select: don’t accept a long-term relationship where your spouse rejects or ignores an important dream of yours. It is the equivalent to rejecting a piece of you, so don’t agree on dumping this hobby or that craft only because he tells you it’s worthless.

Take stock of what you are looking for to make yourself happy—my friend always falls for only a bit of the whole person she wants to be in a relationship with (“he is a good provider”), and then most of her real values are ignored. How far do you think she can go in the relationship before feeling unappreciated and not valued?

Whatever the kind of emotional abuse suffered, we need to remember a basic task of life: to accept and love oneself is still to be done. We are responsible for a life project that is uniquely ours, non transferable and demanding to be finished. Sometimes it is clear to see that some women tend to accept the pain of an abusive relationship as a screen that covers up the self-abandonment.

Only when we recover the path to self-development, do we get in touch again with this wonderful person inside waiting to grow up, be mature and independent. Only then are we able to enter only into relationships full of support and respect.

Then, perhaps we can understand that the emotional abuse suffered was the necessary call to wake us up, force us to reconsider which kind of relationships we need and deserve, and move on to make it happen.

Releasing the emotional abuse from its negative frame and using it as a valuable tool for self-development is a bright way of making a painful situation serve us, in any relationship either it be marriage or other. Learning to heal from emotional abuse can start with this resource that we offer here. Do you need help reframing the negative treatment you've received in your life, and use it for your self-growth? See Dr. Nora, for a one-on-one phone talk about what will work for you in your own life.

Dr. Nora

Dr. Nora

Dr. Nora is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Sign up for free, here on her blog, to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation with Dr. Nora. Visit her coaching site today to talk with Dr. Nora and receive a plan for action to change your life. She's ready to help!

 

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