Passive aggressive marriages are notorious happiness-drainers, because your energy and satisfaction keep going low and lower… Divorcing a passive aggressive husband can be even worse! During your marriage, he made sure to trash your self-esteem and dignity, while ensuring that you took care of him and his needs, no questions asked. When you want to divorce him, he makes you look cruel in front of friends and family, tries to manipulate you into staying and thinking that you’re giving up “happiness.”
Getting through a passive aggressive divorce may seem impossible, but you can achieve it. However, what happens afterward? It might feel like the post-divorce period is where things really start to get hard. You may be plagued with grief and guilt, or doubt that you did the right thing. He may be hounding you financially or emotionally, and your self-esteem will be in the gutter.
What can you do to recover after divorcing a passive aggressive husband? We’ve compiled some great tips to help you regain self-esteem after divorcing a passive aggressive man.
Plan To Reinvent Yourself
You must start by reinventing your concept of who you are and what you want from life. It’s important that you think about how to think of yourself as a VALID individual, worthy on her own and not only as part of a couple. What is your plan to reinvent yourself – do you need to completely rediscover yourself by going on a trip? School? A new city? Dance lessons? Think of the craziest thing you could do, something that makes your heart beat to try. Go do it!
What Were Your Life Purposes As A Child?
What did you want to be when you grew up?
What did you love the most, what were your hobbies?
Reinventing yourself into someone happy and connected rides on finding what you really love and value, and going back to your childhood could be a great place to start.
Look at your childhood pictures and connect with who you were, identify your childhood dreams and start from there. What excited you, made you happy?
Now make a list of the things you love (don’t censor yourself telling that it is impossible; list everything you love!).
You can then make several loved things coalesce into a new “discovering my new life” project. Here’s an example: If you love cats and animals, taking care of living things, gardening, child care, then you should pursue a life direction that focuses on creating and protecting living things. Don’t held yourself back by saying, “I have to find a real job.” You’ve wasted too many years on being “reasonable” and “realistic.” Seize the day!
Now that you know what you are good at, make a list of all things (jobs or otherwise), possible and impossible, that you would do to use those skills. Brainstorming can take different directions – you could design your own job, volunteer at different agencies that interest you, chat with friends and family, or just travel a bit. Give yourself a goal and plan once you find your most exciting life prospect, and don’t forget to write down the steps for tomorrow and beyond.
All the way keep telling Yourself:
- I KNOW I CAN
- I KNOW I’M WORTHY
- I KNOW I’M LOVABLE
Leave this plan/list in a place where you will not see it for two days… stop thinking consciously about it, because your unconscious soul is already working on it!
Finding Love After Divorcing A
Passive Aggressive Man
Discover what you want in a man by making a list like you just did for life prospects.
What excites you about a man? What are you looking for?
Think long and hard about what you husband didn’t give you, what you were hoping for all those years.
Don’t fixate on all the things he “could” have been – think about all the things you’re going to pursue in your future and find for yourself. You could make a visual list, with pictures that have something to do with your idea of “love,” or cut words from print and make a verbal collage that speaks, “This is what I’m looking for.” You can also explore what used to be important to you, but now isn’t as important as others (perhaps you value adventure more, or perhaps you value being good with children).
Put the collage in a drawer, and two days later edit, correct and end the official “ideal match.” Put that list in a visible site, and allow your subconscious mind to take over.
You will begin to look at your new relations from this point of view; from a stronger self-esteem and new view of yourself.
Is your journey of reinvention endangered by low self-esteem, guilt, or threats from your ex-husband?
Do you need a coach who can motivate you to grab the reigns of your own life? Register with us here at our Passive Aggressive Husband blog to receive information about passive aggression, being independent, and leading a happy, healthy life. You can also talk to our coach, Dr. Nora, to get personal feedback on your situation and in-depth relationship coaching on how to recover after divorcing your passive aggressive husband.