How do I detach from a passive aggressive husband?

In a very kind letter, Rosy said:

“In my own way to learn detachment, there were several moments I do remember as very important for me:

The first thing I decided to do: I completely stopped opening a conversation with him about the future of our relationship.
Then, I completely stopped touching him or getting near him in a loving way…and watched his reaction"

You probably are surprised, and asking: is this what I need to do?

YES, to reconnect with your own feelings, you need to detach. It doesn’t mean you don’t love him any more; it means you are opening your own space to get to know who are you and what do you feel…

If you perceive that he is ready to look like he will open up a conversation, (because you are strangely silent) saying something like “what do you think we could do…” just wait a bit more:

---Go and do the dishes, play with the cat, go to the bathroom, do something else, but do not accept his invitation to take over the conversation about “where do we go from here..”

---Focus your attention on watering the plants, feed the dog, take out the trash, but don’t engage.

---Instead, take the time to sit down, and explore your feelings…how do you feel? Angry? Exhausted? Hopeless? Own any feelings appearing inside you: there is only one way to recover yourself and is through owning your emotions.

---Cry, yell if you need to, but don’t let him see you, or communicate any of these feelings to him.

Stay in this contained situation until you feel that you own your feelings, and that you can manage them. You are not at his mercy, but you can control yourself.

This kind of detachment separates your own feelings from whatever he tries to make you feel; ends confusion and makes you the owner of your own power. Is a temporary emotional separation that allows you to recover the person you are and center in yourself. Without this centering, any "talk" with him will confuse you again, and make again feel that you are lost....Just take control of yourself, and center!

NoraNora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Visit her blog and signup free to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! Go now to http://www.creativeconflicts.com.
  1. Alicia, 09 March, 2010

    Dear Nora
    I have recently subscribed to your blog, and keep reading old postings and learning from them. I have to tell you, content is fantastic and my husband is amazed (and very surprised) at me being able to assert my own ideas now!
    Keep up the good work!

  2. Alicia, 09 March, 2010

    Dear Nora
    I have recently subscribed to your blog, and keep reading old postings and learning from them. I have to tell you, content is fantastic and my husband is amazed (and very surprised) at me being able to assert my own ideas now!
    Keep up the good work!

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