Are you kept in a constant state of fear?

narcissistic husbandWhy keeping a woman in a constant state of fear is the right thing to do, for some husbands

This is a shared post, that I bring here because it illustrates the same male thinking underneath passive aggressive mindset: the need to subdue and control the wife, and have her in her "right place."

Why I want you to read it? because, even when it is very painful to read...there is the basic structure of this kind on mindset, very well described. Either the husband exercises his control over her, even isolating and kicking her out of the house, or he risks to show that he fears her. No equality between husband and wife, here...but strong concealment of his fear.

Responding to comments from a men’s rights activist on a posting about finding enjoyment in sex with a wife who grudgingly agrees, the host of a website providing tips on proper Biblical “gender roles” agreed that keeping a woman in a constant state of fear is an appropriate way to control her actions.

Pointing to a column he wrote on “Female dread,” Rollo Tomassi explained that Christian men go about seeking sex with women all wrong by trying to “diffuse sexual anxiety and tension.” Instead, Tomassi said husbands should make their wives “unintentionally uncomfortable” in order to achieve “the rough, hard-core, make-up sex you never thought you’d have.”

Larry Solomon of Biblical Gender Roles agreed enthusiastically — albeit from a biblical perspective —  writing: “So should a wife biblically speaking have a little healthy fear or dread of her husband? Absolutely!

According to Solomon — who agreed with Tomassi’s distaste for feminism — the Bible says that women should submit to their husbands “’as unto the Lord’ (Ephesians 5:22)”

Solomon lamented the fact that he believes that most Christian husbands fear their wives.

“Men show their wives they are either afraid to lose them (be alone) or afraid of the prospect of divorce and the financial or child custody repercussions that it may bring, ” he wrote.

Solomon suggested that Christian husbands should use what he calls the “there’s the door” method.

So when a woman acts out in rebellion toward her husband and tries to act as if she does not need her husband or that other men would treat her better the Christian husband should tell his wife “there’s the door”.  Will some women be foolish enough to walk out that door? Yes, ” he wrote. ” But the moment a man allows his wife to put him in a position of fearing her, rather than her fearing him, the relationship has just changed from the design God intended it to be.”

Solomon added that there is a limit to what a husband needs to provide for his wife and that the minimums  should be withdrawn if she gets out of line.

“While we are required to know our wives and talk to them, that does not mean we need to spend every bit of our free time in conversation with them. We do not need to hang on every word our wife says. While we are required to give them food, clothing and shelter – that food does not have be the fancy food she wants, that clothing does not have to be the fancy clothing she wants and that house does not have to be the fancy house she wants,” he wrote, before adding that one night of wild sex is insufficient.

“I don’t just mean she just rocks his world one night, and then he lavishes her with all these things.  No – she sees that in order to get ‘some’ of her wants met she must FIRST reverence her husband outside the bedroom and she must ravish him inside the bedroom and this becomes the pattern of her behavior toward her husband. He explained. "If either the reverence or ravishing goes down, he pulls back on these other things so she understands the correlation.”

All this to conceal that he fears her? perhaps we need to dig more into this hidden fear of the wife so strong that he needs to execute strict wife control in order to feel secure...And I apologize for bringing this painful piece of writing here...the mechanics of wife control  are so clearly described that you will find this article very educational.

Here is the post original link:

  1. Tom, 18 November, 2015

    “Rollo Tomassi ?” You are joking, right? Rolo Tomassi is a fictional character in a fictional movie called L.A. Confidential.

    He didn’t even exist in the movie.

    That said, I agree with your proposition about passive-aggressive men as abusers. The question is, what can a wife do to cope?

  2. Linda, 22 November, 2015

    Why, pray tell, does a husband or a wife need to live in fear. IF you are saying this was God’s intend, I cannot agree. Should not each have their own time and life and then a blending of both at times? I have dealt with cheating, abuse and the intent to control for 40 years. No more, so i sincerely hope it was not your intent that man or woman should do so.

  3. admin, 22 November, 2017

    Well, Tom, she has resources…she can point him to follow this system:, where he has a plan to identify the origins of his passive aggressive defense, and find ways to control this response….Is a complete system, and it has positive results. Of course, once he has invested in the program and done nothing, she will have in front o her the fact that he is not willing to change anything for the sake of the marriage. Once you get to this conclusion, there is little to hope for staying married. At least, now, you have clarity and know what to do, because the confusion he generates is over!

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